So here is our first zucchini, just lounging around on a deck chair.
In case you didn't notice.. its a little odd looking, fatter at one end, slightly withered and puny at the other.
A little web research has helped me determine that it's been incompletely pollinated. I found out here that "When pollination is incomplete the fruit develops unevenly because the ovary wall enlarges more adjacent to fertilised seed." It goes on to mention that in cold growing conditions female flowers open before the male flowers so there isn't enough pollen present.
Since Mr Tchotchke hand pollinated it he's considering a little soft music and candlelight before his next attempt.
I'm hoping that it's similar to making pancakes and the first one is always a little wonky, but the next one will come good.